Most people think they’re good at understanding others. Yet the vast majority of products, pitches, and ideas fail—not because the solutions are bad, but because they’re built on what people say instead of what they actually need.
If you’ve ever run a survey, heard “That’s interesting,” and then watched no one buy… you’ve experienced the gap between stated interest and real demand.
Designing what people genuinely want requires going underneath the surface—beyond opinions, beyond politeness, beyond “nice to have.”
This is the real process.
1. Why People Say One Thing and Do Another
Humans are unreliable narrators of their own behavior.
They sugarcoat, overestimate future intentions, and often don’t know the underlying reasons they behave the way they do.
Examples you’ve likely seen:
- People say they want to “support small businesses,” then still buy on Amazon.
- A team member insists they “love feedback,” but avoids conversations where it might happen.
- Friends claim they want to exercise more, then skip when it becomes slightly inconvenient.
This doesn’t mean people are dishonest—it means words are cheap; behavior is data.
The job is to read the gap between the two.
2. The Emotional Layer: Decoding What People Really Care About
Most decisions are emotional first, rational second.
If you don’t understand the emotional drivers, you’re designing blind.
Look for signals like:
- Fear (of failing, looking stupid, wasting time, choosing wrong)
- Identity (“the kind of person I am”)
- Status (how they want to be perceived)
- Belonging (who they want to be aligned with)
- Relief (from stress, clutter, overwhelm, uncertainty)
- Aspiration (who they wish they could be)
Example:
A founder says his target customers want “automation features.”
What they actually want is to feel in control and not fall behind.
The automation features are just one possible path to that feeling.
Design for what people feel, not what they say.
3. Friction + Desire Mapping: Finding Unmet Needs
Unmet needs hide in the tension between what someone wants and what keeps them from getting it.
Ask:
- Where do they waste time?
- What do they avoid?
- What frustrates them enough to complain?
- What do they hack together on their own?
- When do they show emotion—excitement, annoyance, anxiety?
Example:
Managers say they “just need better processes,” but their real friction is decision fatigue or fear of disappointing someone.
Friction is the clue.
Desire is the direction.
Where they meet is a solvable problem.
4. Signals of True Demand (vs. Polite Interest)
If someone tells you “That’s cool,” it means nothing.
Here’s what does mean something:
- They try to use it early—even if it’s messy.
- They hack their own version when yours isn’t available.
- They change their schedule for it.
- They refer other people without being asked.
- They pay—or offer to pay.
- They complain when it’s taken away.
A simple test:
Would they be disappointed if it disappeared?
If not, you haven’t hit real demand yet.
5. Iterative Shaping: Lightweight Experiments
You don’t find clarity in a conference room.
You find it by testing tiny, fast hypotheses in the real world:
- 10-minute conversations
- Landing pages
- Manual mockups
- Fake “features” you perform behind the scenes
- Short pilots
- Pricing tests
- Behavior simulations or “day-in-the-life” walkthroughs
Example:
If people “love” your concept but won’t pay $20 for it today, they won’t magically pay $200 later.
Early willingness to act is the truth serum.
Iterate with evidence, not hope.
6. Communicating in a Way That Makes People Say “Yes”
Once you’ve understood the emotional drivers and validated real demand, communication becomes simple:
- Speak to their frustration, not your features.
- Speak to their aspiration, not your credentials.
- Make the first step tiny, safe, and obvious.
- Reflect their language back to them—the words they naturally use, not your internal jargon.
People say yes when they feel:
- Understood
- Safe
- Seen
- Empowered
- Excited about the next step
The right communication isn’t persuasive—it’s aligned.
The Real Skill
Designing what people want isn’t about creativity or intuition.
It’s about:
- Reading behavior instead of opinions
- Understanding emotions instead of features
- Spotting friction instead of asking what people want
- Following demand instead of convincing people
- Testing ideas instead of debating them
Do this, and you’ll build things people resonate with—whether you’re creating a product, pitching an idea, leading a team, or simply trying to influence anyone in your life.
Laurie Stach 